How to be a kindness cultivator

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. 

I know. That cliché gets used a lot. But if so many proudly share that pearl of wisdom, why does kindness seem so rare nowadays? 

Being kind is one thing that costs you little but pays a handsome return. I won’t list the tangible benefits, because there has been so much written on the topic.

(If you want to read up on the science behind the benefits of being kind, you’ll find some papers here: https://www.strategian.com/2020/05/02/the-benefits-of-kindness/) 

There are no downsides to being kind. But there are many downsides to being unkind. They can manifest in your physical health, your mental health, and the healthiness of your relationships. Wherever you are, the choice is always yours. You can respond to negative dynamics in kind. Or take a different approach and spark a shift the dynamics. 

Kindness is often described as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Some think that tossing a few coins into the hat of a homeless person on the street is an act of kindness. Yet if the act doesn’t acknowledge the human being sitting on the street, or how it makes them feel, this is charity not kindness. Kindness happens when we recognise the humanity of those we come in contact with. 

If you want to put more kindness in the world, the first step is to recognise your own reactions. Here are three simple things you can do to cultivate kindness in your interactions:

Break the norm - Make the first move

Years ago a trend started; the normalisation of nastiness. We started to hear it on tv, in the media and in the lyrics of songs. Sappy wholesomeness dried up. Sharp jabs became a sign of strength. It became edgy to be rough and tough. It's now so normal that it doesn't sound unkind. But it is, and it makes no positive contribution to our interactions. 

If you believe in the power of kindness, be kind. Set an example. Being polite is risk-free. With a small effort, you can make kind communication the norm again. Be the one to make the first move.

Break a vicious cycle - Be compassionate

Everyone has their own problems. You never know what weight another is carrying. It isn't always visible. It’s all too easy to respond to a curt comment in kind. That is how a vicious cycle starts and communication breaks down. 

You don't need to make excuses for inexcusable behaviours. However, if you toss a dose of kindness at someone, it could soften the other's response, or even defuse a potentially explosive situation. A moment of compassion can save you unnecessary grief & frustration. 

Remove the wedge that drives people apart - Use kindness as leverage

There is a quote attributed to Albert Schweitzer that says: “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” Yet a flash of sunlight isn’t enough to melt the ice. It has to be constant. 

Changing behaviours might not happen in an instant. It takes time and effort. But when kindness becomes ingrained in your behaviour, it has the power to melt scenarios that are frosty and potentially costly. It's beneficial to be kind.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. The payoff is much greater than just clicks from sharing the cliché on a social media post.